(Disclaimer: In no way, shape or listless form is this column intended to threaten the sanctity of marriage. No legal unions between men and women dissolved during the writing process. Nonetheless, some readers should proceed with caution if their faith in the sanctity of marriage is threatened by external forces such as the gay marriages of others, Village People songs at wedding receptions or literal translations of satiric parables. Keep in mind that the definition of satire is between satirists and their readers and should in no way be misconstrued by those who decry its very existence yet don’t bother to read it. Such behavior will only serve to threaten the sanctity of satire, which in turn may lead to the end of the world as we know it.)

(Commentary) Upon hearing news of Polk County Judge Robert Hanson’s ruling smiting Iowa’s prohibition on same-sex marriage, I grabbed my well-thumbed copy of James Dobson’s “Marriage Under Fire,” hopped in my Sin City getaway car, and fled Des Moines before God had a chance to destroy the capital city with fire and brimstone. I had to reach moral high ground before it was too late. While crossing the county line, I was tempted to look back and steal one final glimpse of the capital city aflame.

But when I looked in the rear-view mirror, I felt disappointed. A firestorm had not consumed my place of birth; I had not turned into a pillar of salt. My wavering doubts in the sanctity of marriage slowly gave way to doubts about the moral prophets of doom, who have predicted that gay marriage not only will destroy the sanctity of marriage and the moral fiber of our society but also will serve as a precursor to the apocalypse.In his “Marriage Under Fire” manifesto, Dobson argues that same-sex marriage will bring about the end of the world: “The culture war will be over, and the world may soon become `as it was in the days of Noah.’” Dobson, chairman of the board of “Focus on the Family,” reiterated that theme in October 2004 when he asserted that allowing same-sex couples to wed would not only “destroy marriage. It will destroy the earth.”

One week later