Author Stedman Graham: Don’t Let Others Define You

Take a pinch of Martin Luther King Jr. Add a cup of Zig Zigler. Stir well while waving essence of Oprah Winfrey over the top and you’ll come close to the mixture presented by author and educator Stedman Graham during the Diversity Leadership Conference in Cedar Rapids.

Pulling from his latest book, “Diversity: Leaders not Labels,” as well as other recent works, Graham primarily spoke about the individual responsibility involved in one’s attitude and responses to diversity.

“When we talk about diversity, we are talking about how to self-actualize yourself as a human being,” Graham told roughly 500 conference participants Wednesday at the Crowne Plaza Five Seasons. “That means you get past the small stuff. You have to get past race; get past gender. You get past all the historical garbage that keeps you in a box.”

Picking up on the name of the organization hosting the conference, Graham said, “Diversity Focus is an investment in yourself.” Graham is pictured above with Alfred Ramirez, executive director of Diversity Focus.

“It is an investment in education,” he said. “It’s about talent development, skills, performance, results and excellence. In essence, what we are talking about is how to become the best you can be.”

Despite what your life’s work becomes, he says, excellence must always be a priority. People should never get so caught up in day-to-day living, he said, that they forget to think and grow.

“The world will say to you, ‘You don’t control your life. You don’t control your own mind. So, I have to define you,’” he said. “The world puts you in a box and labels you so that when someone looks, you can be identified by the label you’ve been given.”

Labels, according to Graham, can be about gender, race, socio-economic level, personal possessions, family, friends and much more. Personal experience, he says, has taught him that the world will always try to label and define individuals.

“I know this is true,” he said. “People have been trying to put me in a box and define me by my relationship [with Winfrey]. But I don’t let the world define me. I define myself. Whenever you turn your power over to someone else to define you, they will always define you as less than them. Never turn your power over to someone else to determine your potential and your destiny.”

The first step to realizing your own potential, according to Graham, is to recognize your own loves and passions in life.

“You can organize your whole life around love,” he said. “No matter what your history was like — no matter what you’ve went through — none of that is about your passion. Write down everything you love. Look at yourself as a whole person and you diversify your whole life — everything that possible for you as a human being.”

While doing this exercise, thoughts should not be focused on a job.

“Anybody can get a job,” he said. “I’m talking about getting a life.”

Creating a vision for life, developing a plan and listening to guiding principles are also stops along the road to defining yourself, according to Graham.

“Whatever you focus on — whatever you put your energy in — it expands,” he said. “If you look at the glass as half-empty, that’s exactly what you’ll get.”

Graham is chairman and chief executive officer of S. Graham & Associates, a management and marketing consulting company. His clients include Merrill Lynch, Wells Fargo, Georgia Pacific, Hyatt Hotels, CNN, the U.S. Olympic Committee and the U.S. Department of Education. He is also an adjunct professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago where he teaches a leadership course based on his nine-step process. And he is a visiting professor at several colleges and universities throughout the country.

Diversity Focus is a nonprofit organization devoted to enhancing the diversity of the Cedar Rapids-Iowa City corridor. It was founded in 2005 to integrate and coordinate existing community efforts and create new ones.